Crazy and Confused . . .

Not really hanging around here much. Check me out at MySpace.

www.myspace.com/dolfingrlie

Having lots of fun with it and it's quite addicting, so haven't been too into Blogger anymore.

posted by Me @ 8:10 PM Comments: 4

I've been really busy making sure that everything's ready for the kids to come home full-time. I'll be glad when they are. I know they'll be safe and "happy" and in school having fun. It'll be a change though. After not having them home from almost 3 months. I know some adjustments are going to have to be made in order for this to be a smooth transtion, so that basically what I'm consentrating on right now. Their routine/schedules so that everything is "peaceful" so to say.

Other than that, not too much going on. T offically moved upstairs this past weekend. Never realized a guy could have so much crap. The sad part is, we only moved his bedroom. The rest of his stuff is still at K's parent's house and we're not getting that until Labor Day weekend. It took us about 2 days to get everything put away and settled along with 2 dump runs and 1 run to Goodwill. I'm almost afraid to see what else he has that we need to make room for. I know it will be ok though. He's been "unoffically" living up there for about 4 months or so, so all we've done is bring his belongings up and merge 2 families.

Our biggest concern is making sure the kids are going to adjust well. He has a 9yr old and I have a 6yr old and 4yr old. I think we're more worried about his daughter, than my 2 kids. As I keep telling him, take it 1 day at a time and don't always think about the negative when it comes to situations like this.

Have to get back to it. I'll do my best to stop in more often. I'm sure everyone understands how busy life can get with summer going on and school just around the corner.

posted by Me @ 10:36 AM Comments: 0

St. Louis Arch

We spent 2 days in St. Louis. Went and saw the Arch, but we didn't go up it. I have this thing with heights and since it's 680ft up, there was no way I was going up in that thing. This picture turned out awesome though with the sunset reflecting off of it. I'm glad I at least went and saw it.

posted by Me @ 8:08 PM Comments: 0

Nah

This iguana was sticking his tongue out at us at the St. Louis Zoo. He didn't even flinch when I took the picture. It was interesting to see this kind of "expression" from an animal at a zoo. Normally zoo animals are asleep or hiding when it's hot, but all the animals at this zoo were out and about. It was really awesome.

posted by Me @ 7:59 PM Comments: 2

Flowers

Hello all. Vacation started out kinda rough, but it got a lot better as it continued. Still kind of winding down from vacation, so for the time being, I'm just going to give you a web page to share photos. I'll come back with stories soon.

Enjoy!!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/crazynconfused1981/

posted by Me @ 9:13 PM Comments: 0

Well, we leave for vacation in the morning, so you won't be hearing from me for awhile. We'll be back on the 29th. I hope everyone has a good week and don't miss me too much. I'm sure I'll have loads of pictures to share for quite some time and some stories, so you'll have something to look forward too. I'm been eager for this vacation to come. I feel like I deserve it for every thing I've gone through with the divorce and all. It'll be nice to get away for a little bit and have some fun.

Bye all. Talk to you again soon.

posted by Me @ 6:23 PM Comments: 0

What's going on? I don't like being a target when things are stressing you out. You were yelling at me over something that had no connection with us and I don't understand why. You've been acting "out of it" again and no one knows why. You're not excited about vacation. You still haven't talked to me about A like you said you were going to do. What gives? I still get the feeling that we're "falling apart" and I don't know why. You've become sort of secretive lately and in your own world. I've been doing my best to be here for you, but then I just get used as a target when things get bad. I don't like that and I don't like feeling like that. I'm getting very nervous with this vacation coming up. I know you've said you want to go, but I don't "see" that you want to go. I guess I just don't understand what the issue is lately that you're acting the way you're acting and maybe it's because you don't want to or can't talk to me about it. I just thought that we were good enough in our relationship that we could talk to each other about anything and not have to worry about being judged. I just don't see that from you anymore. I've been busting my butt to not screw up this relationship with you because I care so much about you and love you more than I thought I could ever love someone, but lately I'm not getting the same vibe from you. Maybe it's all the stress and ciaos. Maybe we do just need to go on vacation and get back to where we were before everything. I don't know. I just don't like feeling like you're hiding things or keeping things a secret from me. I'm here for you no matter what the issue is, just like you were here for me with all my ups and downs. I would hope that you wouldn't expect anything less and that you already knew that. But I don't want to continue to be an easy target when things get messy. If you don't know what's wrong or you do know what's wrong, I will be here when you're ready, but until then, I'm going to give you your space. I'm going to let you figure things out on your own. Should you decide to include me (which I hope you would), I'll be here. I care so much about you and I hate seeing you like this. I hope that vacation will relax us and bring us back into focus and bring us back "together". That is what I'm holding onto right now. A nice relaxing week.

posted by Me @ 10:01 PM Comments: 1

I don't like I feel lately. I feel like you're pulling away from me. You seem like you don't want to include me in what's going on in your life. You only care to tell me about work. You've been there for me through everything I've gone through, no matter how big or small it was. I just want to do the same for you, but I don't think you see that. How do I get you to realize that I just want to be there for you and show you how much I care about you? I'm not trying to be pushy when it comes to topics, but when I find out something big from and "outside" party, I feel like you don't want to include me. I feel like I'm not that important to you as you say I am. I feel like I'm just here to be here. I want to know what you're thinking and what you're feeling and what you may or may not be struggling with. You can't tell me that the only thing that's important to share with me is things pertaining to work. I know there's more going on, but why you don't want to talk about it with me is beyond me. Have I done something? Do I care too much? I just don't know. I just don't know.

posted by Me @ 8:31 PM Comments: 0

Things are pretty good. I'm adjusting a lot better than I thought I would. I enjoy having my kids around again. The ex and I are actually talking like human beings too. It's kinda strange. With this finally being done, we're getting along. By his own decision, he's making sure that he's the one "releasing" the kids so that I don't have to deal with his mother. It's kinda nice to know that he sort of cares enough to prevent me from dealing with his mom now that this is done. The kids are slowly adjusting too. My oldest told me that he wished school started soon so that he could be here. It was nice to hear him say that he wanted to be here for a change.

Other than that, there's not too much going on. Just concentrating on moving forward with my life and make sure that all the important things are taken care of. I'm going on vacation on the 21st, so I'm really looking forward to that. I really need it. With everything that's been going on, it's going to be nice to get away for a little bit and be able to come back relaxed and refocused on the important issues. I just hope this vacation is a tad bit better then the one that the boyfriend and I took last year. We're actually leaving the state, so I'm a little nervous. I've never left the state without my parents, so this will be a new "adventure" for me. I can't wait.

posted by Me @ 7:18 PM Comments: 0

It's done. Yes, you read that right. The divorce is finally final after 15 months of bullshit. I can't believe that he's finally agreed to everything. I never thought this day would come. I'm happy, but I think I'm still in shock. I don't think it's really hit me yet. I don't feel any different. Everything feels the same, but it's now official. I'm probably going to have a hard time with the adjustment since I don't get the kids as much during the summer, but I think it'll be ok since I have them for 9 months out of the year (during school). I just hope the kids adjust well and that they understand that this was in their best interest and that both of us love them no matter what happens. I guess only time will tell.

posted by Me @ 7:15 PM Comments: 3